The Prince She Had to Marry Page 14

  She opened for him, wrapping those smooth, slim legs around him, pulling him down to her, down to where she wanted him.

  Which was exactly where he wanted, needed, had to be.

  Her fingers found him again. She encircled him, guiding him, taking him into the fine, giving heat at the wet, slick heart of her womanhood.

  He sank into her, drowning, surrounded, caressed. Completely lost. And only too happy to be so.

  She lifted her body, enfolding him. Her soft arms held him and her sweet hips rocked him. There was no woman, ever, in the whole world like her. Not for him.

  There never had been. He knew that now.

  He groaned and he gave himself up to her, gave himself over to her, as he had that first time, to his everlasting shame. She was the promise he’d been running from since they were children, the hope he’d denied, the truth he’d turned away from, the road back he couldn’t yet allow himself to see.

  She was more than he could deal with, more than he’d bargained for, more than he knew how to handle or control. Without hesitation, she claimed him and there was no part of him she didn’t own, didn’t hold so tenderly, didn’t rock into sweetest, hottest oblivion.

  She gave him everything. More than he’d ever dared to imagine. More, much more, than he could ever hope to deserve.

  For now, he gave in to her. He let her take him, let her sweep him away. Let her take him up, soaring. She was the finest, highest, truest wave. Way out on the open sea. She curved above him, tenderly, closing over him, crashing down upon him. She took him under, took him with her.

  Gasping, ecstatic, he called her name.

  * * *

  “Alex?”

  He opened his eyes to darkness. For a moment, he was in the ground, swallowed by it. In that hole they kept him in during the last year of his captivity. Panic clawed at him. Sweat bloomed on his skin.

  “Alex?” Lili’s voice. Soft. Soothing, in the darkness. Her small hand in his, holding on. Holding him.

  And he remembered. All of it. Devon was dead. And he had escaped. And there was Lili: his wife.

  He remembered his cruelty to her—his many cruelties. And their honeymoon. And that night on the water. The storm.

  The island, the little stone house...

  And the two of them together.

  For now.

  He turned to her. How could he help himself? Even in the darkness, she brought light. Warmth.

  The impossibility that was hope.

  The hope he kept denying over and over. The hope she kept offering, like a cool drink of water in an endless desert, like a ray of light in the deepest, darkest place. Even in a room with no windows, it didn’t matter. Wherever she was, she brought light.

  Her sweet breath across his cheek. A millimeter, two—yes. Contact. Her mouth melting into his, a perfect fit. He kissed her, slowly. Deeply. She made a small, tender sound. He drank in that sound.

  And then her hands were there, touching him, brushing the sides of his throat, cradling his face, her fingers against his beard-scratchy cheeks, her palms under his chin. “Alex. I’m so glad. To be here with you. Like this.”

  So am I. The words were there, pushing to get out. He didn’t let them. He had no right to let them.

  She whispered, “I know I shouldn’t be glad. It’s selfish to be so happy here, alone with you. Selfish when I know that the people who care for us are desperately searching, hoping against hope that we’re still among the living, that they will find us, somehow, and bring us home safe....”

  His heart, that dark place he had for so long thought empty and cold—it ached. He couldn’t bear to hear more. “Shh.” He moved his head on the pillow, close again, so he could breathe the hushing sound against her parted lips. “Shh...”

  She shook her head, her lips brushing his again, back and forth. “No, not yet. There’s more. I know that you don’t want to hear me, but you will hear me.”

  “Don’t...”

  She wouldn’t listen. “I know you, Alex. I know what you’re doing. I know you’re...allowing yourself this time with me. But that you will somehow make yourself pay.”

  “Stop.”

  She didn’t. “Don’t you see? It’s no good. You make yourself pay for every moment of happiness, every taste of pleasure—and that means I pay, too. And the baby. Oh, Alex. Think about her.”

  He wanted to grab her close and kiss her senseless. He wanted to push her away, roll from the bed and run out the door. Somehow, he managed to do neither. “The baby will have you,” he said. “The baby will be fine.”

  “The baby needs her father. And I need you, Alex. I need you beside me, not just for tonight, for all the nights. We can do so much in the world together. If only you will forgive yourself for whatever it is you feel you have to suffer for. If only you will see that forgiveness is waiting for you. You only have to reach out and claim it.”

  “Lili, let it go.”

  She made a sound that was something like a sob. “Let it go? How can you say that? This is your life we’re talking about. And my life. And the life of our child.”

  “Lili...”

  “Oh, Alex.” A long sigh escaped her. “Sometimes you make me so very, very tired.”

  He thought about losing her. How he would have to do that again. He couldn’t bear it, to think it. Not now. He wanted the feel of her. He wanted forgetfulness. Just for a little while. “Kiss me.”

  “It won’t solve anything.”

  “I know, Lili. Kiss me....”

  She obeyed. She pressed her lips to his, at first with reluctance. But then with a soft-sighing, eager willingness. The kiss was long and deep and sweet.

  And the moment he dared to lift his mouth from hers, she started in again. “Did you ever stop to think that the two of us, you and me, we’ve been bound together since we were children?”

  “All the time,” he confessed. Why not be honest, here at least, alone with her on this nameless island in the darkness of the middle of the night?

  “Why were you always so cruel to me?”

  How to tell her? “I thought I had so many important things to do.” He gave a low laugh, one that was totally lacking in humor. “And you would keep me from them, ensnare me, seduce me from my purpose. You would be a queen and I would be merely your consort. I thought that would never be enough for me.”

  “Ah, I see that.” She was smiling. He could hear it in her voice. Leave it to Lili to smile when he told her how petty and small-hearted he’d been.

  He went on. “I belittled you.”

  “You certainly did.”

  “I thought...if I could make you less, somehow that would set me free. Somehow, I could turn away from you and go about my life alone, unencumbered by the everyday things like marriage and family. Not bound to you or to the endless obligations of state that being your consort would entail. I could...find the truth in the world and write about it and make everyone see.”

  “See what, Alex?”

  Ruefully, he confessed, “That’s the thing. I was never sure exactly what I was going to make the world see. But I knew that when I finally figured that little detail out, everything would fall into place.”

  “Ah.” She laughed, low. He found himself chuckling, too. And then she said, “Alex, you should laugh more often.”

  He touched her hair. Spun silk. “Perhaps.”

  “Absolutely—and you’re not telling me everything, are you?”

  His gut clenched. He rolled away from her, onto his back. “I am not going to talk about Afghanistan.”

  “Oh, I know,” she answered airily, rising up, bending over him, her hair falling across his shoulder and his chest, caressing him. He felt the quick touch of her lips against his cheek. “That’s okay. You will. In time.”

  “You’re wrong there.” He said it flatly. With finality.

  She only said gently, “Let’s not argue about it.”

  “Fair enough. Let’s not.”

  “And I wasn’t referr
ing to Afghanistan anyway,” she said. “We were speaking of the past, of the reasons you were constantly pushing me away.”

  “Didn’t I just explain all that?”

  “You didn’t tell me all of it. Only the parts that make you look the worst. I think there’s more. I think there was some...nobility in your cruel behavior back then. Misguided nobility. But nobility, nonetheless.”

  “No, there wasn’t.”

  “I know there was. At least a little...”

  “No. No nobility. None.” He stared blindly up at the darkness, all too aware of the living warmth of her so close, the slight weight of her arm across his belly, the wonderful scent of her, lavender and woman.

  “Ah, well. I suppose we shall have to agree to disagree on the subject of your nobility.” She laid her head down on his chest. “I would actually have married Rule if he hadn’t finally followed his heart and found Sydney. I really had myself convinced that I was in love with him.”

  He couldn’t stop himself. He stroked her hair. “Rule is a fine man.”

  “Yes. And it would have been a disaster if I had married him. He never loved me as a woman, only as his honorary little sister. And I...I didn’t love him either—not as a woman loves a man. But I was too naive to see that then. Plus, I had my mind set on Rule. I’m a little ashamed of myself, of how purposely blind I was when it came to him. I was staying in Montedoro, at the Prince’s Palace, for weeks on end, making a pest of myself, just waiting. So certain that any day he would knock on my door, drop to his knees and propose to me. I was...so hungry, Alex. For love. So full of dreams and hope.”

  “Innocent,” he whispered. He pressed his lips to her fragrant hair. “You were innocent. And I can see why you were set on Rule. I thought it was the right thing, too, you and Rule. He’s kind and good. So charming. And patient and thoughtful. All the things I never was.”

  “So you were being noble. At least a little—stepping aside for Rule.”

  “How could I step aside? I wasn’t in the running. I was the last man you would have considered. And I honestly believed I wanted it that way.”

  “But then...” She let the words trail off, an invitation for him to continue.

  And he surprised himself. He did continue. “That day in April, at the palace, when I found you sobbing on your knees outside my rooms? You told me that Rule had married another. And for a moment, a split second, I was glad. Fiercely glad. And then, instantly, I was angry. At you. At myself. At Rule for marrying someone who wasn’t you and making me feel glad about it. I insulted you. And you tried to slap me. And when I caught your wrist to stop you...” He didn’t go on. He couldn’t. He’d already said too much.

  Way too much.

  “Oh, Alex,” she whispered. He gritted his teeth and waited for her to start chattering away, analyzing him and his actions, urging him to go on, to tell her more. But then she pressed her warm, full lips to his chest, laid her head back down over his heart and softly whispered, “It’s all right.”

  No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t all right. Not in the least. “What I did was unforgivable. I took advantage of you when you were at your most vulnerable. There is no excuse for what I did that day.”

  She laughed. “Please. You would have stopped in an instant. We both know that. All I had to do was tell you no.”

  “It’s not that simple. Don’t make excuses for me. The bald truth is that I seduced you.”

  “I don’t know what it is with you, Alex. You have some obsession with casting yourself as the villain. You are not the villain. I’m twenty-six years old. And I am more than capable of saying no. But I didn’t want to say no. I wanted exactly what happened. I wanted you.”

  “You were in no position to know what you wanted. You were an innocent, a virgin.”

  “Yes, I was. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I see now that I was saving myself. For you, as it turned out.”

  He chuckled again. He couldn’t help it. “Did you ever meet a lemon you couldn’t turn to lemonade?”

  “Never. Not a one.”

  He held her closer, kissed the top of her foolish, beautiful head. “In your heart, you’re still an innocent.”

  “I look on the bright side. It’s a choice, Alex.”

  He didn’t argue. Why waste his breath? He wasn’t about to change her mind. And as long as he was being painfully honest, he had to admit that he didn’t want to change her mind—or anything about her. She was perfect just as she was.

  She lifted up away from him.

  He caught her silky shoulder. “Stay here.” He pulled her close again, speared his fingers into her hair, capturing her face between his two hands. “Kiss me.”

  “Oh, Alex...”

  He pulled her down to him. She didn’t object. Sighing, she covered his mouth with hers. She opened, let him into her sweetness, met his tongue with hers. He tasted her deeply, his hand straying downward to cup her mound, to comb the short, sweet curls there, to part them, part her.

  Already, she was wet for him. She moaned into his mouth. Still kissing him, she lifted onto her knees. He felt her bring one leg across him, straddling him. Her hair slid over him, down the sides of his neck, against his chest....

  He kissed her some more, his fingers stroking her, finding the bud of her greatest pleasure, teasing it until she cried out and reached down between them. She took him in her hand. And she guided him home.

  Slowly, so slowly, she lowered her body onto him. He thought he would die, it felt so good. So right...

  When she had him, when she owned him, she began to move. It was all he could do just to hold on. He clasped her sweet, round bottom in his hands and he went with her, went where she took him.

  All the way to heaven.

  At the end, she sat up, braced her hands on his chest and pressed down on him, taking him even deeper than before. He felt her completion, felt it take form, felt her body contracting around him.

  That did it. He couldn’t hold out any longer. He went over the edge of the universe with her. Surging up into her, he reached up through the darkness and found her. He pulled her down to him, found her sweet mouth again and buried his hands in her tangled hair.

  At the very last, she broke the kiss. He opened his eyes, seeking hers, finding only the night, but knowing that she was there, warm and soft and beautiful, hovering above him.

  She whispered, breathless, her hips still moving on him. “I love you, Alex. Love you, love you. Always. Love you...”

  He didn’t answer. He had no right to answer. He only pulled her down again and silenced her with another kiss.

  Chapter Eleven

  The next day, they saw no boats. The clear, blue sky brought no helicopters bearing Alex’s specially trained men to rescue them.

  Still, it was a beautiful day. A happy day. Lili tried not to think of her father, of Alex’s family, of everyone worried sick about them, trying desperately to find them. Instead, she focused on this precious time with her husband, on the joy of just being with him.

  Because it was a joy. Here, on “their” island, as she had already come to think of it, he was like a different person. He smiled at her often. He teased her, playfully. In fun. He even laughed out loud now and then.

  No, he didn’t return the words of love she’d lavished on him the night before. But she had to remember that he was Alex. He never had been good at happiness. And Rome wasn’t built in a day.

  They went fishing together—or rather, Lili went with Alex. He did the fishing. And she made him clean what he caught. It was a messy, smelly job, just as he’d warned her it would be. He said she should learn to fish and to clean her catch.

  She held firm. “I’ve fished before. If I ever have to, I can do it. And I saw how you cleaned them. I could manage that, too. If I had to. But I don’t. Because you can do it.”

  The little goat, which had followed them down to the beach, said, “Maa, maa.”

  Lili granted her an approving nod. “See, even the goat agrees wi
th me.”

  Alex only grunted and dropped his line back in the water.

  Later, back at the little house, Lili cooked the fish. They turned out quite well, actually. Alex praised her cooking skills.

  Even better, once the meal was done, he pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. His rough beard scratched her face and she didn’t care in the least. She kissed him back with enthusiasm.

  The kissing led where kisses often lead. They went to bed early, but not to sleep. She relished every kiss he gave her, every tender, arousing caress. She wished that somehow they could be rescued and that he would continue to be the open, loving man she held in her arms that night.

  The next day was much the same as the one before it. Alex did some fishing, catching enough for their evening meal. They also made a circuit of the island, checking on the driftwood messages and the readiness of the signal fires. Two planes flew by, far overhead, vanishing much too quickly. Alex used the last two flares trying to get their attention, but to no avail. They saw one boat—far out, a tiny dot on the horizon. And they were near a signal fire at the time. They set it ablaze.

  The boat never got closer. It only seemed to get smaller and smaller until it vanished from sight.

  That night, Alex talked of reinflating the raft, of paddling out far enough that maybe he would sight another island. He spoke in the singular, which meant he didn’t plan to take her with him. He expected her to remain there, out of harm’s way on the island, while he took all the chances.

  She thought of the tricky currents out beyond the safety of the cove, of the sudden storm that had overturned the Lady Jane. “That could be dangerous. And in any case, if you’re going, I’m going with you.”

  “No. There’s the baby to think of. You’ll stay here—you and the baby, where it’s safe.”

  She hated that he had a point. She did want to keep their baby safe. But if he did end up going, she didn’t think she could stand to remain behind.

  Why get into that argument when she didn’t have to, though? She could fight that battle if and when she had no choice. For now, she tried a different angle. “You could stay here, too. We might as well all three be safe.”